arienariadne's Blog

Re: Byron Katie's School For The Work March '09

In light of the news on James Arthur Ray's Spiritual Warrior training, I wanted to revisit the posts I'd written here.  I notice both the clarity and the confusion I expressed.  I was still hopeful, at the time of these writings, that I would ultimately gain some meaningful takeaway from The School.  Instead, I've avoided all things Katie, all things New Age, all of anything that relates to such teachings. 

About all that's left is embarrassment at the gullibility that left me open to signing up for The School.  Shame, for feeling so stupid after the fact.  And sorrow, sorrow for the Spiritual Warrior participants and their families...for the long-term damage the survivors will suffer.  For the shame they will feel and the costs that will continue.

I abandoned this particular thread when it garnered too many comments from apologists and too much in-fighting.  I've been told that the infighting is a technique used by "trolls" to halt a discussion.  

To the trolls and the apologists:  what have you to say now?

Re: Byron Katie's School For The Work March '09

I check the site, still.  I stopped posting regularly for two reasons: 1) I'd told as much of the story of my experience as I felt free to share without stepping on the confidentiality of other participants.  Having done so, I needed a breather from all that, some space and time for re-entry.  2) I was uncomfortable with having my posts picked up and posted to another website without my consent.  It's all about freedom of choice, freedom to set one's own boundaries, etc.  School's not really out, yet, and it's not just confined to a hotel in L.A.  It begins to feel like a leap from the frying pan to the fire.

Re: Byron Katie's School For The Work March '09

"It's been useful for me, and apparently, destructive for Arienariadne."

Bless you, I'm right as rain.  Disappointed, annoyed, out a few thou in a tough economic climate, but otherwise quite fit.  Went into The School in fine fettle and only discombobulated for a week or so by re-entry.  I was concerned, though, with those folks who weren't quite so fine, going in. 

There are a lot of people in the US rightly disillusioned with mainstream medical treatment for everything "mental" from mild dysphoria to bipolar mania, from prolonged grief to generalized anxiety disorder and everything north, south, or sideways along the spectra.  While I may have missed something, I just don't think the screening was there for The School.  That meant that people showed up at all levels and stages of suffering.  It's consistent with Katie's philosophy that both health and illness are projections of the perceiver, therefore, what harm could a little Work possibly do...a little inquiry?  And it was my perception that there was some bigtime suffering and some potential for real harm for a few folks there.  Maybe they came out the other end much better.  And maybe some found their issues and illnesses exacerbated.  I can say this, for sure: I'm glad it ain't MY liability insurance on the line at The School for The Work.  Who would insure this?

Again, the further I get away from The School in time, the more I marvel that the thing takes place at all.  That was a pretty large n, 250-300 (?).  It's likely that there was a larger number of diagnosable problems there than would be found randomly in the general populace, given that it is advertised as "an end to suffering," even when you rule out the professionals seeking to affiliate with BKI.  A few people named their diagnoses.  Keep in mind, here, that it's both written in the welcoming paperwork and repeated several times at The School:  if you are prescribed medications, take them as prescribed.  Nevertheless, imagine you announce to a BK Believer at The School, "I have mental illness."  What is supposed to happen next is Question #1, "Is that true?"  Followed by, "Can you absolutely know that it's true?"  And, "How do you react when you believe that thought?," and "Who would you be without that thought?, etc., etc.  Ending, per the formula, with a turnaround that asks you to "find" the truth in the opposite of "I have mental illness."  If you are diagnosed and are bothered, additionally, by the label, the meds, the docs, the therapists, and the responses of family and friends...and, if you aren't recently quite so bothered by your symptoms (some diagnoses have symptoms that are tougher on others than on the "sufferer," at least at first blush), then The School is hog heaven!  Whether or not, once School it out, there's a heavenly outcome or a hellish one is hard to predict.  I can imagine being the mother of a young adult with Bipolar I who hates all the "control" of meds, shrink, etc.  Here's an Oprah-endorsed alternative that's hard to argue with ("checkmate"), and my son or daughter comes home sans meds, avoiding scheduled doctor appointments, and Doing The Work on Mom.  I have no idea if this sort of thing took place, but the setting is right for it.  Some disorders are so hard to treat, some treatments are so hard on the patient, a loving relative would be willing to do almost anything to get help for their beloved...especially when there's no side-effect profile published on the web.

There's no apparent regulation.  And a population that may be a little more vulnerable than average.  And the potential for at least as much harm as help.  That is worrisome. 

Re: Byron Katie's School For The Work March '09

Gimme,

Perfect!  And it helps me identify myself: a Failed Leaper.  Grounded, but lousy at leaping.  I'll add that to my general response on those bits of paperwork that still dare to ask about Religious Preference:  Reform Evangelical Druid and Failed Leaper. 

So glad to hear from you!  Word has it, on a site where I was startled to find myself quoted and linked, that ol' stu is a "troll."  Didn't know there was such a thing, but he nearly brought our enjoyable conversation to a screeching halt.  He sure went after you, even when it seemed...well, random.  Aptly named, I guess.

Humor is the most celestial of human traits.  This video is wonderful and so timely.  I really miss Dudley Moore.

Cheers.

Re: Byron Katie's School For The Work March '09

Hey, guys!  Everybody, repeat after me:

randomstu, you could be right.

Re: Byron Katie's School For The Work March '09

jgf75,

Couldn't agree more about the "worshipful fellow participants."  I was desperate to talk to people about their experiences at The School...that sharing of minds is so attractive to me and has been all my life...but there was little talking permitted or encouraged.  Silent meals, people with "Silent One" name-tags.  I used silence, too, but I couldn't keep it up very well.  I'd start to speak to someone and I'd get a tap on the shoulder by Staff or the person I spoke to would flash their "Silent" tag at me. 

Here's a link for my fellow neuroscience fans...just read this over breakfast today.  I'm a big fan of Gazzaniga.
http://discovermagazine.com/2009/mar/26-unlocking-brain-secrets-and-powers

sandyfeet,

I get so excited when "Scientific American Mind" shows up at my house, too.  There's a great article in this month's edition on Borderline Personality.  I've been holding out for years on endorsing the old Personality Disorders saw that says they are caused by early life experiences...the Nurture argument that ignored the Nature side of things.  Lately, we're learning it's never an either/or with this or most any other DSM-IV diagnosis.  Better treatment and better understanding are so needed with this "label."  You mentioned an interest in the subject....
http://www.sciam.com/article.cfm?id=perturbed-personalities

Whoa, don't get me started! 

Re: Byron Katie's School For The Work March '09

jgf75,

You know, with that comment about hanging onto my full range of emotions, I was mostly trying to say something validating to gimmeshelter.  I probably haven't given this as much thought as I should.  I do think I've tried to tamp down the negative emotions all my life.  They are so uncomfortable physically and they often lead to conflict when expressed.  Conflict is scary.  That's a story developed from a time when I was small and unlikely to be able to defend myself physically if a conflict got out of hand.  Little girls learn to reign some of those things in and substitute less aggressive ways to get needs met. 

When I experience anger, I often have the thought, "I shouldn't feel angry."  Sometimes, like Katie, I have imagined that I no longer even experience anger...but that's no more true for me than it is for Katie.  I just have a short form of redirecting that emotion, doing some quick Work on it, turning it around, calming it, etc.  Katie claims she hasn't been angry since 1980-something when that Cockroach of Clarification showed up.  But, of course, anger was apparent more than once in Katie's face during The School.  Sandyfeet got it right, she's just one of us, now.  Probably always was...definitely always was according to Janakis blog.  Bless Janaki!

A few of years ago, when I was making The Work a part of my thinking so much of the time and convincing myself that I rarely if ever experienced anger (fear was another matter...it was tougher to tamp down and, in fact, seemed to strengthen and grow as I wrestled anger to the floor), an astute friend of mine was commenting on an ache/pain I'd acquired.  He said, "Well, the rage has to go somewhere."  I immediately mentally defended myself and thought, outraged, "There's not an OUNCE of rage in me!"  Oh, brother.

As a social mammal, I am well-served by behavioral moderation.  It's not a good idea, as our numbers grow on the planet and we rub elbows constantly with others of our species, to let fly with expressions of emotion.  When there were fewer of us and more space, we could avoid conflict by walking away.  Nowadays, that's getting tougher.  I think of how the Japanese have developed a very elaborate system of communication, civility, self-effacement, complicated manners, etc., in order to live more peacefully on a very crowded, small island world.  Now, the whole planet is our island world. 

So, the trick, I think, is to: 1) try to feel whole by admitting the full range of humans emotions, positive and negative, because...well, there they ARE, operating continually in either the forefront or the background of our lives, just as they evolved to do; and 2) try to feel connected by any means we can short of self-destruction, because...well, we NEED each other for our health and well-being.

So...I guess that means The Work stays in my toolbelt, the emotions stay in my meat computer/spacesuit, and there's really not a problem, here.  Ah, here comes Katie again...let's face it, she's WISE, if not perfect..."Forgiveness comes when you realize that what you thought happened, didn't."  I don't think I quoted that exactly right, but that's the gist of it.  And, paraphrasing so much of her teaching, I try to let this thought surface frequently: What if there really isn't a problem here?  That one works on me like a charm!

Shoot.  Once again, not sure I responded appropriately, but hoping....

And, Sandyfeet,

Boy, it is great to hear from you!  That was a very balanced picture of your experience you painted.  And with a very honest brush.  Like you, I did the exercises I could endorse.  And I wish I could have had the courage to do more of them, but I began to lose trust rapidly.  I was getting too many warning signals from my cautious mind.  There's a building process in the design of the exercises and elements in The School, as there are in all such immersion programs (What's with NINE DAYS?!  Everybody seems to use that number when they design these kinds of programs, I'm learning). I think, if one can't enter into what's happening on Day Four, for example, then Day Seven isn't going to mean as much.   It sounds like you did, indeed, get what you came for.  I was frustrated with myself that I couldn't get past my fears and be a little more open to some of the experiences.  But I do have to thank myself for working so hard to protect me.

And I have to say, I also got what I went for.  I learned an enormous amount about myself.  The lessons weren't entirely pleasing, but I did feel more compassion for myself in the process, more acceptance of the way I'm constructed.  I went to The School with the intention of finding out if it was something I would want to pursue toward Certification.  And I had a covert, wispy, curiosity and hope that the experience might magically, gently, seduce me into more happiness, into a sweeter, more pleasing nature, so my friends and family would be more comfortable with me...and there's a Story if I ever heard one!  When I started getting NO signals on Goal #1, I gave up on Goal #2.  There lies disappointment.  And resignation.  Which is kind of peaceful. And self-accepting.  Uh-oh...next thing you know, this writing is going to start sounding like Katie's Newsletters!  Who edits those things?!   Her thoughts loop around so, I usually can't read more than a few sentences without getting crosseyed.

Anyway, I loved your post!  Please write some more.

Re: Byron Katie's School For The Work March '09

You're right about contradictions.  They abound in my world.  I'm not likely to turn to The Work as readily now, since attending The School, as I was before, although I'm sure it has little to do with the utility of The Work.  It has more to do with the post-stress avoidance response I'm experiencing after the The School.  That is waning and will continue to wane.  I'll get over it and be able to evaluate The Work on its own merits again, I'm sure.

I am in no position to deny the value of meds, of psychiatry, of psychotherapy, or of using The Work.  I'm speaking very personally when I say that I've often longed to feel fewer negative emotions...less anxiety, specifically.  The Work does help briefly, and that's an excellent result, since I don't know how to make permanent change in the less desirable parts of me without permanently sacrificing some of the better parts.  And for anyone who experiences fear, anxiety, negative emotions, I think anything that gives respite (while imparting minimal undesirable side-effects) is worthwhile.  Most psychotherapy interventions that are well-delivered by licensed psychotherapists serve to interrupt the painful thought-looping and get the "patient" thinking about the negative feeling state, rather than being hung in the negative feeling state.  Carefully prescribed anxiolytics are very helpful, although most, at this stage of development, have side effects that can cause people to discontinue them, whether they be benzodiazepines or serotonin reuptake inhibitors. 

And I love meditation, yoga, Zen.  I haven't tried acupuncture, chi gong, etc., but I'm not opposed to any of them.  I just mean that, since my emotions seem to be part of my spacesuit, I might as well accept them.  I wish they were a little less disruptive, that the body alarm had a volume knob that was entirely under my control, but just t'aint so.  I'm not suffering from any mood disorder, no out of whack amygdala, to my knowledge.  It's just good ol' human angst, the existential variety.  I had some faint hope that, by this particular decade of my life, I'd mellow right on out and wear that little Buddha smile most of the time.  Since that doesn't seem to be showing up in a timely fashion, I might be trying to nudge the process along a little quicker.  I was hoping Katie would act as a booster shot.  Instead, I never felt more like my old, familiar, independent, stubborn, resistant self as I did at The School.  I've got my bottom lip stuck out, here.  I had half-promised my beloved family a Whole New Me after the School.  My son in law even suggested that I hadn't entered into the thing fully....duh, ya think?  Bless his heart, he's a gung ho boy if there ever was one.  And I am a Hide-Bound, Unreconstructed, Smart Alack Individualist.  Ah, well.  Whatcha gonna do?  At least my sense of humor got a workout.

I know what you mean about wondering if my universe actually resembles your universe.  If you ever want to cast doubt on the possibility of a shared reality, fall in love with a man and then wonder why the heck he does certain things while declaring confidently that HE LOVES YOU.  I am so grateful to my husband for allowing me to visit another human brain regularly over a long period of time.  My anecdotal research indicates that we share about a third of the products of perception...usually those having to do with sensory inputs, like color, size, shape...the measurable parts.  It's those fuzzy concepts that trip us up repeatedly: love, peace, reality, truth, etc.

I love your contributions!  Am I answering your post, here, or just wandering off into my own gray matter?

 Where is our Moderator, btw?  I've not seen hide nor hair of Jody.  Yoo-hoo....

Re: Byron Katie's School For The Work March '09

Gimmeshelter,
Boy, this is some strong stuff, isn't it?  I'm not always clear what randomstu is saying, either.  What I do know is that, despite my scientific and professional background, I have longed for a benign universe, a kindly set of wisdom teachings, a lovable teacher or role model (seen or unseen), and a pervading sweet truth to rest my head on at night.  The human brain seems built for that and the human heart has to follow the dear breadcrumbs into whatever forest they lead us to.  Often, it gets scary in there and we have to bolt or blindly find our way out (hence, my screen name).  You've done it; I've done it; Stu's done it. 

And, you know, I might do it again.  In terms of time, I haven't got enough left to forget my recent experiences so thoroughly that I tumble head-over-heels for a whole new schema.  But the sweetness.....the sweetness at the first, when we think we may have come home....that nectar could beckon again someday, for all I know.  I'm older, wiser, but not invulnerable.  Katie does say that sweetness belongs to me.  She would say, if you love me, what's that got to do with me?  She would say, if you're angry with me, what's that got to do with me?  I'll take that with me, then.  It always did make sense, anyway.  If I love the sweetness, the rest of meditation, the tenderness of a sense of belonging when I perceive my connection to all things, what's that got to do with Katie and her screwy School?

I'm with you on hanging onto my range of emotions.  And, when I try to feel only peace, it doesn't work anyway.  My brain evolved to notice when something isn't right; that's apparently a trait that Natural Selection is fond of in humans.  The Work and other methods can give our brains a nano-break and that's worth something.  But nothing short of a cerebral accident is likely to make a permanent and sudden change...my brain tells me.

'Course, I do hope to hell I've learned not to plunk down big money, again!!!  What was I thinking?!

Re: Byron Katie's School For The Work March '09

Randomstu,

I think you make a good point about the 1% who begin to seem like a swarm to the newbie.  I don't have a count, but there were a very large number of staff at Katie's School, most of whom (we're told) are volunteers who actually pay for their own travel and room/board...they are what I thought of as the Bigtime Recidivists.  Then there was a fairly large percentage of second-timers, the Average Recidivists.  This group made up more than a third of the population of the school, I'm estimating.  Maybe much more than a third!  Then there were the ones I thought of as the Bliss Ninnies: almost entirely new to Katie and The Work, but so eager to follow a leader, they promptly plopped down $5000+ for yet another guru and another Spiritual Hit.  Then, there were the Plants: the folks who made Katie's School newsworthy, the folks you don't expect to have turn up randomly.  Their stories were too pat, or they were celebrities everyone thinks of as having their act together, or they were matches made in heaven for Katie's website (two people from warring countries who fall into each other's arms through The Work, for example).  Then there were the Scholarships: folks who applied declaring they would take The Work (and, presumably, the profit-making BKI corp) back with them to their hives and hills to promote Katie...er, uh, I mean The Work.  Tongue in cheek, I declare that left about five of us unaccounted for. 

As one of the Unaccounted For, I felt greatly outnumbered.  I also often felt WRONG, somehow, for not wanting to join in wholeheartedly, for filtering and setting boundaries, for being a spoil sport and a wet blanket.  I was a little embarrassed to find out, yet again, that I'm just not a joiner. And I often felt mildly sad that I couldn't share in the apparent bliss...or at least in the intensity...the majority seemed to be experiencing.  It was a struggle to remember that I actually didn't WANT to stop trusting my own perceptions, my own mind.  Katie's mixed message was 1) Never believe your thoughts, and 2) Think for yourself.  In the struggle to decide which message made sense to me, I often felt exhausted mid-way through the first session of the day.  In the end, I pretty consistently chose Option 2.  And, the further I travel in time away from The School, the more sure I am that I made the right choice for me.  And I was one of a real minority if I only judge by the participants in The School.  I was in a vast majority if I judge by the population of the US, Europe, Africa, and the Far East who have ever heard the name Byron Katie and who have already opted out. 

Thanks.  You've added to my perspective.

Re: Byron Katie's School For The Work March '09

jgf75,

Yes, I love Taylor's book.  I watched her Ted Talk presentation a couple of times, read her book, and read some articles and reviews about both.  I agree with you, there are neurophysical "locations" for "enlightenment,"  and I love studying the things our new imaging capabilities are teaching us about aspects of human behavior and consciousness that were previously relegated to the realm of mystery. I, too, come from a bio-psycho-social perspective, but also have a strong interest in the history of myth, religion, and mysticism.  I did not expect Katie to be guru, but I was hoping she would inspire more trust and confidence.  Before the school, I was considering certification with her program.  And, personally, I have used her teachings (along with many others, Buddhist, Confucian, Taoist, etc.) to soothe my anxieties or help me keep perspective.  The School irritated me, however.  I think it could have been done better and that something has been changing in her organization that negatively affects her work.  And I am unlikely to find much solace in her teachings or The Work for a little while.  I'll turn to others among my favorite teachers now and try to let my irritation subside. 

I like your input.  In the end, nothing is more soothing than further evidence that 1) none of us is alone and 2) my brain isn't the only one experiencing the universe.  I guess I like talking to the other people who "have agreed to share this projection."  Shoot, if what my brain perceives was all there is to it, I'd have every reason in the world to be alarmed and stay alarmed!

Re: Byron Katie's School For The Work March '09

Speaking in TheWorkobabble, or ( Workletegook, whichever you prefer):  I love it that there's some interest and debate on this subject again in this forum.  I think the comments here are reasoned, interesting, and thought-provoking.  And you've set me up perfectly for the last of the posts I'd planned on.  I  emphasize that these are my personal experiences and thoughts.  I'm interested in hearing when people have had different ones and similar ones.  One thing about The School as I experienced it, is there were just not enough opportunities to find out how things were for others there.  There was a group, humorously dubbed by one charming participant as The Bad Byron Katie People, who met in an out-of-the-way spot to smoke, drink coffee, and talk.  I kept meaning to drop in there and hear from them, but it didn't work out. 

On Katie's Behavior:  From hearing from others who'd attended live programs and from watching Katie's videos, I'd expected she would have people sitting on stage with her from time-to-time, giving out that warm personal attention, doing The Work 1x1.  Instead, there was only one chair onstage.  People did the work almost exclusively with other participants.  Interaction with Katie took place typically when she asked if anyone wanted to share their experience with an exercise.  A staff member with a microphone would run to that person and the speaker would share.  Katie might or might not comment or interact in that moment with the speaker.  If anyone wanted Katie to address a particular concern of theirs, they had a note given to Katie by staff and she would usually, later, ask that person to stand and speak from where they sat.  There just wasn't the warm and cuddly thing with Katie going on.  In fact, she often did not seem warm at all.  I was surprised at often she seemed irritated or short or sharp...and then would come a couple of those famous Workletegook's: "...and I love it that you blah, blah, blah."  The messages were often very mixed and, judging from expressions and responses back from the speakers, often very confusing.  I am not the sort of person who wants the microphone, so I'm not a neutral judge of this, but I had NO desire whatsoever to take that mike and speak.  And people who hadn't spoken were under some pressure to do so...others noticed or staff noticed and asked why.  I would have liked it if the atmosphere had been conducive enough for me to want to speak.

Given all the Suggested Don'ts (don't look in a mirror more than once a day, don't wear jewelry or makeup, don't think about your appearance, etc.), most folks looked pretty crummy by Day 3.  Katie, however, looked radiant, rested, made up, perfectly coiffed, beautifully dressed at all times.  She sat alone on stage beside beautiful flowers, flanked by two large screens that duplicated her image up close...that beautiful facelift...who was her plastic surgeon, honey?  She was lit from above in such a way as to make her white hair glow with almost a halo effect.  She may have said we were her family, but it was pretty clear we weren't like her.  Yes, she was there most of the time when we were in the room, but she didn't take the mindfulness walks with us or eat with us.  Even staff did not eat with us; they had their own separate dining room.  And Katie did not come down into the room much...just not a lot of co-mingling.  I recall two instances in the nine days when Katie left the stage and entered the participants' space.  She did not sign books when the Store was set up.  I was in her presence but not with her, really. 

This was surprising and disappointing.  I have noticed, however, that there don't seem to be many Messengers in history who have managed to embody their Message successfully across time.  The martyred ones have fared best in maintaining their images in the public consciousness.  Katie's message is not new.  I like the way she's popularized it for Western minds, but she's not my guru.  The wisdom messages carry their truths regardless of the squalor in the lives of the messengers.  Again, I needed to see for myself.  For all the lighting and the flowers, Katie is just like the rest of us in her humanity and the way her stories keep running away with her, the way her School is running away with her, the way her celebrity is running away with her.  She seems more shaman than guru, now.  That's how it seems to me and so be it.

My task now is to return to the many messengers whose work helps me.  And to let go of my disappointment.  Writing here has helped. 

Re: Byron Katie's School For The Work March '09

Yes, the description of The School on Katie's site does, indeed, sound delightful.  And I was so desirous of being delighted.  I expected something gentler and kinder than I got.  I'm sure other people had other experiences, but I stopped experiencing gentleness and welcome by, at the latest, midway through Day 2.  I kept looking for the pony in that pile, thereafter, but with a lot more caution and self-protection.  One thing I took from the school: you can't expect people to take care of you; you have to be ready to take care of yourself.  Of course, Life's delivered that message pretty consistently already.  And Katie encouraged self-care, but then did not make it easy or foster inclusion for those who acted on it.  I did see staff being very kind and gentle with some people.  There were some folks who got sick or were struck with aches and pains.  I saw staff bringing pillows, ice, showing gentle concern.  Yet, somehow, I did not experience that, or the likelihood of that, personally.  Maybe it was precisely because I was determined to take care of myself...eat what I needed by purchasing it separately, rest when I needed by skipping exercises or sessions if necessary...that made me feel cut off.  Perhaps a self-fulfilling prophecy.  Nevertheless, there it was and it was not all, entirely my own projection.  I was fortunate to be acquainted with someone there who felt free to share their perceptions.  I checked those out pretty carefully:  "Is it ME, or does thus-and-such unforeseen and unfortunate thing seem to be happening?"  I had read somewhere, before the school, that Katie would ask people to leave the school if she thought they were problematic.  And she specifically stated that anyone caught marketing anything at all or were caught with weapons would be ejected immediately (and I saw no weapons, but a couple of people tried to sell me something).  So I knew it was possible to rub The School folks wrong.  Somehow, I intuited that you wouldn't have to go so far as marketing or having a weapon to get kicked out.  It was Katie's "Family," after all, and she called the shots.

As to The Work being disorienting...Yep, I think it often is, for even the most self-protected, and perhaps can always be destabilizing for some folks.  Those turnarounds are a bitch sometimes!  I could tell from what newbies were sharing at The School that several people were starting to come unglued after a couple of days.  Some folks seemed sort of unglued from the beginning.  There was a general decompensation over the days.  As time passed, I began to be worried that some folks wouldn't recover adequately before they left.

So I agree with Redwoods and Gimmeshelter, there needs to be some kind of warning or screening...both so that folks can get an accurate picture of what takes place and make more informed choices about this particular, very strong "medicine," and so The School can operate more efficiently.  I'm into Katie's business with this last statement.  Speaking for myself, then, it bothered me to see so many people crying, groaning, looking sad, depressed, or confused so much of the time.  I thought I would see lots of smiles and relaxed faces there.  What I mostly saw were either blank or sad/mad/confused faces.  There were be sudden guffaws or giggles, true...but they would often come out of the blue and inappropriately.  There was some big-time LOOSENING going on there...and that might be desired effect or it might be symptomatic of something seriously wrong.  One size definitely does not fit all.  The blank looks seemed most apparent in the staff members and the people who were Repeaters. 

Yes, it was very much as if they were entirely self-referencing.  It often looked robotic or affectively blank.  There was a failure to engage another person...EXCEPT when The Work was in progress.  Doing The Work with Staff was a crazy-making experience.  They might not make eye-contact at any other point in nine days, but they were entirely present while doing The Work.  They opened up and became real people while doing The Work on themselves.  They might insist on a big hug at the end. Then, next time you saw them, they would usually look past you like you weren't there.  The Work (which, while acting as Facilitator, required strict adherence to the questions exactly as written and no commentary, otherwise...just listening) was the only readily available means of connecting with anyone else there.  The rest of the time, we were either silent or listening to Katie or listening to someone sharing on the microphone in front of everyone.  I did have the impression that the staff was extremely stressed and that there were internal problems there.  There were several indications that all was not well between Katie and some Staff members.

A note on the food.  Yes, the description on the School site is literally accurate and I expected vegetarian fare.  What I did not expect was how tasteless or disgusting that might be.  I've been a strict vegetarian for periods of many years, twice in my life.  Currently, it's difficult to get enough protein to meet some special medical needs and I've returned to the carnivorous state.  What I do know is how well-cooked vegetarian foods and vegan fare can taste.  I've got lots of experience cooking and eating that way.  This food was unnecessarily bland and unimaginative.  The hotel staff apparently screwed up and put salt and pepper on the tables the first day.  We never saw it again, thereafter.  Some days eggs were only available on a table marked, "Pre-arranged Special Diets."  That would be like parking in the handicapped space just because it's nearer to the store...I didn't want to take someone else's eggs.  Cheese was usually available and yogurt in the mornings.  Sometimes there would be a sprinkling of cheese in a prepared dish. Breakfast, in fact, was usually pretty good.  But the fish, which showed up a few times, was utterly plain baked whitefish.  I ate it because I needed the protein, but I came to dread meals...the steam-table smells of recycled food (tofu squares with peas, quinoa, steamed plain cauliflower) and the enforced silence (people walk around with signs that say "SILENCE.)"    A friend of mine had gone to Kripalu for a 3-day Intensive and said the food was fabulous..launching a description that made me eager to return to vegetarian eating.  I think there was just no effort to make the food good at The School.  Or perhaps the hotel kitchen couldn't accomplish the task.  Or perhaps there was some budget-cutting going on.  Katie would say I'm definitely off into a story now!  Vegetarian and vegan food does not have to be lousy.  There was one item, served one time, that I really enjoyed: a veggie burger that I slathered with mustard.  It was probably pre-prepared and shipped to the kitchen;  it was far too good to have been prepared from scratch by our hotel cooks.  Or maybe that was just the mustard.  Obviously, I'm a bit food-focused.

Re: Byron Katie's School For The Work March '09

Keira, I love The Work, too.  I applaud any intervention or technique that helps us interrupt an uncomfortable story long enough to think about what's happening rather than being what's happening.  There are lots of great techniques for this.  Stepping out of a miserable story to gain some perspective is the healthiest thing we can do, I think.  And I honor so many of Katie's teachings, just as I honor similar teachings from Lao Tzu, the Dalai Lama, Thich Nut Hanh, Alan Watts, Ken Keyes, etc.  These things don't belong to any one person; if these teachings are truly wisdom, then copyrights are superfluous.  I perceived territorality, greed, manipulation, internal organizational conflict, unnecessary stressors, etc., at The School.

I think that I was in a very small minority at The School.  The majority of participants apparently loved what happened to them there when they "just followed the simple instructions" and trusted Katie explicitly.  It is my nature, however, to be skeptical.  And, however much I hoped that The School would be so attractive it would charm me away from my skepticism, I couldn't help noticing the things that jarred, that were inconsistent, or that seemed to flaunt or exploit the power imbalance between Katie's organization and the rest of us.  I felt like Dorothy in The Wizard when the curtain lifted on The All-Powerful Oz: almost more sorry than angry.  And I could see that the principle of Avoidance of Cognitive Dissonance nearly guaranteed that the participants would knock themselves out to insure that The School and Katie were all they had paid for, hoped for, sacrificed for.

I have to check in with myself, "Why am I posting here?"  One, I need to vent to someone besides friends and family to help me process the experience...not sure why it helps to slightly formalize the venting, but it seems to.  Two, I wish I had been able to find more than just Rick Ross's forum when I was trying to make the decision to attend The School.  Ross is too easily dismissed for his own background.  Still, I wrote Katie a letter about the posting on that forum and got a letter back, purportedly from Katie, stating that all the exercises were entirely voluntary.  So, I treated them that way while I was at The School.  If I was exhausted, I returned to my room (I can't sleep on a floor at my age).  If I needed more protein than was offered, I bought it.  If I needed exercise (discouraged beyond the short daily stroll), I took time to get it.  It clearly states in the provided material, however, that criteria for receiving a Diploma includes attendance and participation in all exercises and sessions.  And that was just the beginning of the perceived pressures.  There was a lot of sensory deprivation and sensory manipulation, in my opinion. And the Staff cadre was large and they were everywhere, roaming the room continually, peering into the faces of participants who dozed or listened with closed eyes.  It makes no sense to me to over-stress your students and then have to manage their reactions with constant staff vigilance.  I like my wisdom delivered as honey, rather than vinegar; life had plenty of vinegrette moments for me to do The Work on before I ever showed up at The School.  I needed respite and self-care, not shock treatment.  Maybe I just didn't read the description of The School clearly enough on Katie's website.

I encourage you, don't just take it from me.  Take a look at Janaki's post here and link to her blog.  Spend the time to do some tedious but important googling.  And, finally, trust yourself.  I had to go find out.  As Katie instructs, I "did My School," and "I got what I came for."  It was just not at all what I'd hoped for.  The Work stands the test, for me.  The School didn't.

Re: Byron Katie's School For The Work March '09

I've just begun to read the blog you link to, here.  Naturally, I didn't "follow the simple instructions" and began to read from the Conclusion, backward.  I couldn't stand the suspense, had to know what I was wading into.  I read Time Magazine backwards, too.  In fact, I hadn't a hope in hell of conforming to The School for the Work, given my individualistic nature. Thank you.  I've got a heap of reading to do, now.  I'll get back to you in a few days when I'm further along.  And I've yet to write about Katie's behavior or Staff behaviors.  My family has got to be so sick of hearing about this.

Thankyouandno, heads up.  Check this link out.

Re: Byron Katie's School For The Work March '09

Continuing...

The participants:  In addition to a group (approx. 250) impressive in the number of newbies to The Work and repeaters (seeking Certification or to reprise their previous experiences in bliss), there were a remarkable number of people who were obviously mentally ill.  Depression and Anxiety (Social phobias, Specific phobias, Generalized Anxiety, etc.) were to be expected, as were a fine spread of the more benign Personality Disorders (Obsessive-Compulsive, Hystrionic, Dependent were all well-represented).  And there were participants with milder forms of Impulse Control Disorders (ADD/ADHD and hypomania).  But there were also a scattering of the scarier Personality Disorders (Anti-Social, Paranoid, Schizoid and Schizotypal). Bipolar I and II, while not admitted, were apparent.  And there was undoubtedly a few people who were hallucinating, delusional, or delirious. 

I'd have thought Katie would have screened more carefully to reduce her liability in these cases, but she actually seemed to welcome the more severely disturbed.  I was aware that no deliberate or careful screening of mental and physical problems appeared in on-line registration.  Signing up involved giving demographic info, sending money that would not be refunded, and not much else. We was not asked about diagnosis or medication until we arrived...a bit too late to shoo away people who had come from all over the world.  And there was that Surrender exercise at the beginning, where the message was very mixed: give us your supplements, vitamins, medications you don't really need (as if the truly sick could make that decision well) AND if you are prescribed meds, you should take them. Several people gave up prescribed sleep medications and anxiolytics and this was applauded with comment from Katie, "If you can't sleep at night, contact the staff member on call and they will sit with you.  If you experience discomfort, do it here in the room with us during the day.  If you have to sleep, do that here, too."  It didn't take long before moaning, crying, agitated behaviors were the norm in the room well before fasting and 15-hour days of intense emotional work took their toll.  And most staff and participants just left the suffering alone, ignored it or staffed it by listening to the sufferer do The Work again and again.  Some people cried off and on throughout the entire school.  Often people were crying so hard or were so anxious, they could not be understood when they took the microphone and tried to tell their experience.  And sharing those experiences was an expectation.  If you hadn't taken the mike yet, staff asked you why.  I'm unclear on this, but I believe one repeater either had to go the mental hospital during this school or had done so in a previous school.  In other words, the mentally ill and the neurotic, alike, decompensated and this was encouraged under the philosophy of The School.

The Shame module was perhaps the most disturbing unit in the School.  I believe this took place in the morning of Day Three, although I admit to losing track of what day it was (we were always either in the windowless conference room, on the 30-minute silent and led walks around the blocks nearby, or, briefly, on the grassy lawn in front of the hotel or in the halls of the hotel when we were set free to do The Work with a partner).  In the Shame unit, we were instructed to write down the thing we'd done in our lives that we were most ashamed of, then take the mike and tell the whole group, then do The Work on it with a partner.  Shaming is a subtle but powerful component of psychological abuse used in every torture and mind control process.  People stood up and, sobbing or preening, revealed everything from  bestiality and zoophilia to embarrassing physical features, infidelity to poor parenting that bordered on abuse.  Many people told of having been abused and shamed by that.  The reward for producing a novel or particularly painful shame experience was Katie's cooing, warm approval and attention.  This was such a powerful exercise that, for the next few days, Katie would interrupt whatever exercise was in process to say that so-and-so desired to tell about their shame.  Folks who had kept quiet during the Shame module apparently could not resist being part of it all, taking that microphone, and joining Katie's "family." Although Katie said, after the confessions had begun, that we should not reveal anything illegal, many seemed not to understand that bestiality, child abuse, etc., were illegal in the US.

At all times, there was a staff member in the back of the room speaking very softly into a dictophone, recording every story and event.  Katie's books are largely made up of these stories and a release is signed at the beginning, giving permission for your stories to be used.  One could literally feel the next book taking shape in that room.  It might have been a "voluntary" exploitation, but exploitation it was, nonetheless.

More later.

Byron Katie's School For The Work March '09

 I think the fast was closer to 48 hours than to 36.  There was no warning there; we were shepherded into the silent meal tent as usual after the silent morning walk (around the unlovely blocks nearest the hotel, across the street from LAX.  Think: broken pavement, parking garages, and other hotels) to find water, lemons, and blank Worksheets.  This went on for meal after meal for two days, culminating in a picnic at the end of the  "homeless" field trip.  By the time we took that field trip to Santa Monica and Venice Beach to consort with the homeless, those of us who had gone along with the fast were hungry, rather weak, frustrated, and pitiful...in other words, we fit right in and were grateful for any food the vagrants offered.  It was the surprise factor that made these exercises cult-like.  We were rarely told anything about what was to happen next.  This was deliberate and, apparently designed to engender lots of strong emotions that we would then be able to "do the Work" on.

That field trip was advertised as one of several.  There were no others, however.  Nothing was ever explained.  This seemed to be a matter of policy; we were taught not to use the concepts of "but" or "because" or to explain things to anyone.  Exercises that might have been meaningful if I had known what was coming and prepared mentally, agreed to the experience, were usually presented in a tricky or sneaky fashion.  We were an "all-volunteer" army full of conscripts, draftees, and the pressed.  As an example, this exercise: we were given about 15 minutes to pick up some wrapping paper and ribbon (cheap and paltry, at that), go to our rooms, and bring back our most beloved possession, wrapped.  We were told not to expect to ever see it again.  This was on day eight in the morning.  So completely had some participants given up their will, they wrapped their ID, credit cards, money, and often plane reservation confirmation information to put in the box.  Several gave up wedding bands, expensive watches, family heirloom jewelry, and that sort of thing.  I am told that, at the end, the items were put out and anyone who wanted to could recover their belongings, but few did so. 

Many of the participants were Repeaters (recidivists) and knew what to expect.  A surprising number had never spent any time doing the Work before.  One person said a friend of a friend said they should come to The School, so they did.  Katie seemed surprised by the number of novices and had to change the curriculum to cover more basic concepts in the first two days, forcing a rushed atmosphere in the last days.  In the Money segment, it became clear that a fairly large proportion of the class came from privilege and entitlement backgrounds.  Certainly, in those cases, it begged the question what kind of person pops out $5000.00 in this economy to devote 9 days to a program they know almost nothing about?  Did parents and relatives send them hoping for a miracle?  Many were obviously Bliss Ninnies flocking to the next Spiritual Hit.

I am exhausted.  It was amazingly stressful, although I had thought we were going to lose much of our stress at The School.  I'll post more later on the Surrenders, the Staff behavior, and Katie's behavior.  Right now, I'm still trying to regain my equilibrium and de-tox from the experience.  The days began at 7:00 a.m. and often ended after 9:00.  All meals were to be taken with the group, eating only what was provided and nothing in between (and fasting, when they did not provide food, of course).  The food was tailored to vegans, raw foodists, and vegetarians.  Usually either egg or plain baked white bland fish was offered sometime in the day, but the overall protein content was insufficient.  No salt, sugar, or strong flavorings that might have made the dishes more palatable were used or available.  The typical meal was salad with only oil or miso dressing, fresh and plain steamed vegetables, tofu in some form, brown rice, quinoa, fresh fruit.  It sounds, as I write, so much better than it was; day after day of the same foods, recycled usually into another tasteless dish, eaten in enforced silence...it was demoralizing and dehumanizing.  Apparently, as with so many other features of The School, we were to learn that we really did not need food to taste good or familiar or interesting.  This is feature of The School was especially unfortunate in the current national climate, I think.  To reduce our carbon footprint, many of us are considering moving toward more local food, less animal protein, etc., in hopes of healing or slowing the destruction of our habitat.  Really interesting, delicious vegetarian recipes are amply available and some of us carnivores might have been seduced by tasty vegetarian menus at The School to proceed along the same lines back home.  Instead, I am longing for salmon, tuna, shrimp (all of which could have been offered within a lacto-ovo-fish regime), salt, garlic, etc.  And...dare I say it?... ribs!

We were told to give up our supplements, medications we did not need (CMA: "If you are prescribed a medication, you must take it" And, yet, many gave up their prescribed medications anyway, apparently hoping to be so purified by The Work that they would not need them), make-up, jewelry and other apparel enhancements (some people appeared to wear the same clothes for days at a time), exercise, and all our other "addictions."  In my observation, addiction to The School and The Work were meant to replace all else.

The boot-camp tactics and mentality, the pressure to conform to total thought and behavior requirements, and many other features seemed very cult-like to me.  I would not hesitate to say The School is a cult experience.  And I'm sad for that, since I think The Work is a very useful tool for self-help.  Something seems to be going very wrong in BKI and The School.  All things arise, organize, and disintegrate.  The School is on the down slope in my opinion.  More later.